Despite, we WILL Praise!!!

Of course my flesh never screams, "examine me!", but I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit that dwells within me demands it!

I usually don't share such stories in such detail and not even quite sure what God would have me even say at this point, but what I do know is that HE wants to speak!

This past Monday night, right before Lily's bedtime routine we noticed that both of her cheeks had broken out in a rash. Michael and I started racking our brains of where we had been or possibly some different foods she might have eaten that day. We couldn't come up with anything out of the ordinary! Well, it's not like this sweet girl has an extensive food list anyway...we have a picky one on our hands (a little side note, I am super proud to say though that we just became a fan of carrots a few days ago! I think the whole they're good for your eyes spill worked)! We asked all the questions...are you hurting, does it itch, do you feel hot, but none of the above! So, I decided to give her some Tylenol, we prayed over her, and then tucked her in for the night.

Tuesday morning and her little cheeks were still a little splotchy, but had faded significantly in redness than they were the night before. I was hoping by the looks of it we were getting better and that Tuesday could hopefully be a NORMAL day. You know, a day with minimal drama, where we can get everything done that is usually in the Tuesday routine or that is scheduled according to mommy (me, my plans)!

So, in all honesty, the revealed attitude of my heart was saying, "Lord, I really don't need any interruptions right now, no "bumps in the road" I have a lot that needs to get done today"!

Oh how I hate the attitude of the flesh and how it can raise it's ugly head so quickly! This may all sound a little over kill to you for this little scenario, but for me it's the very thing and area that God has been doing some serious chiseling in! Not just having knowledge of but living out... in ALL things BIG & small, whether the attitude of my heart, thoughts that are or are not spoken, my schedule, circumstances, plans, desires, my marriage, & Lily are NOT my own!

Crazily by simply learning to ask God to INTERRUPT my plans in the mundane day-to-day and small little moments brings beautiful FREEDOM!!!

I'll definitely come back to this later and expand, so just bare with me...

But for now, do you know where this is going!?? Yes, you're right...this mommas NORMAL Tuesday plans were interrupted quickly! It seemed like the very moment after loading up into the jeep so we could go to the Y, her rash intensified! It was now all up and down her little arms, looking like they were on fire! I truly have never seen a rash that bad. My first thought was, oh no what if her throat closes up due to having an allergic reaction?

We drove straight to her Pediatrician and they assigned us to an "isolated" room. Dr. Singe only looked at Lily for a few seconds and said very confidently, "little Lily has Fifths disease!" I'm glad she quickly followed up by saying it's JUST a VIRUS (because can we say mind whirl)! Disease is just one of those words you never want to hear as a diagnoses and especially dealing with your child. For a split second I thought she had been plagued with something horrible and life threatening! They really should do moms a favor and change the name to at least Fifths virus, just makes a whole lot more sense and easier on the nerves!

Okay, I know some of you moms who are reading this "have been there and done that" and are probably getting a good laugh right about now, because you've already learned that "it's" name is a whole lot "bigger" than it's "bite!" I learned that the worst part about this virus in a child is the ugly rash that pops up showing they are no longer contagious! Basically, Lily was never phased and she is doing just fine...I am so very thankful!

One of the last questions I asked while we were in the Dr. office was, "Are there any other precautions I should take?" Looking down as she was filling out some paper work Dr. Singe said casually, "only if you knew you were pregnant!"

I never thought I would ever feel hesitant to answer, "YES, I am pregnant" like I did at that very moment.

She then proceeded to tell me that being exposed to the virus could possibly cause harm to the unborn baby or a miscarriage and that I needed to have blood work requested at my first OB appointment.

For a split second I felt like I was standing at the oceans edge facing the largest title wave of fear, anxiousness, doubt, & discouragement. Such a large ball of human emotions that could have drowned me, but then GOD...He was there and on the scene the whole time! He so graciously captured my thoughts and anchored me to the very Truth that He has had me meditating on.

In Job 38, God speaks with Great Authority to Job as he confronts his nievness of just how GREAT and MIGHTY He is...despite Job's human feelings!

Just like Job, the Holy Spirit was asking me, "Do you have a God gaze? Do you believe and fully Trust that He is in ALL things and through Him ALL things hold together?"

"where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined it's measurements - surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were it's bases sunk, or who laid it's cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy..."

There are 41 verses in Job 38 and all of them are worthy to be typed out, but for the sake of trying not to write a book...go read the rest of them!

I never felt like I left the ocean edge, but instead of drowning in my fleshly emotions, I was immersed in a sea of His INFINITE WISDOM, GREATNESS, SOVEREIGN CONTROLNESS, & HUGENESS!!!

Oh how greatful I am that He gives strength to the weak and power to the powerless!

Recalling this truth welled up within me an attitude of ADORATION! An area that I didn't realize how weak I was in the past. I am not saying by any means that I have arrived or that this has been perfected in me...hardly! But what I am learning and He is teaching me is that ADORATION (getting lost in HIM and I discipline myself to meditate on Him in the mundane and verbalize everything that His name says He is) should be the most important piece of my relationship with HIM!

It's easy for me to enter into my time of conversation with Him anxious to want to voice the heaviness on my heart, or the burdens I may carry for others and in result end my conversation just as heavy laden as I did when I started.

Through studying God's model of prayer, studiying the Word, and other books such as Desiring God, it is like God has been hammering the word ADORATION into my heart...will you just get it!?
This is the true equation for: God + nothing =EVERYTHING! Learning to get lost in just Him is when I am most satisfied and He is most glorified!

When ADORING Me drives your relationship, then I am MAGNIFIED, EXALTED, BIG...and you and the trials, circumstances, and hardships I told you that you would have to face in this world....SMALL in comparison to my HOLINESS!

This is when the true heart of rejoicing comes into play, when you can trust that I only permit what I have purposed and NOTHING happens outside of my sovereign plan!

Therefore, in the midst of uncertainties and heart aches you can see those "trench" times not as how the enemy would love for it to be... destructive, but your heart can be comforted and rejoice in the greater plan! The Great I AM is bringing about detoxification of self instead of destruction. Putting the flesh to death and sanctifying us to mirror His reflection!

I have my first OB appointment on Wed., where we will hopefully get to see our sweet pea for the first time, but also follow through with getting blood work done to see if there may be any complications.

When my flesh is in complete contradiction to the word, I will choose to fight and ADORE HIM! He is on His throne and NOTHING can thwart His plans. For He promises to ALWAYS work out ALL things together for His good and Glory!!!

Oh how this promise brings FREEDOM when my plans are interrupted by the Very ONE who has conquered ALL sin and brokeness in this world, knowing that His ultimate GLORY PLAN WILL previal !

Knowing that it is He alone who is in the "secret place" floods my heart with so much peace!

Father, this unborn baby is yours and my life is yours... For my strive is NOT I, but Christ who lives within me (Galatians 2:20)